im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
