I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
In America we eat man semen.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
