uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
