Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
