Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
