they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
