I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
