How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
