are you still at the devil's house?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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