I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
