just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
