my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
