I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
