I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
