Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
