I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Too much gin, very little bucket
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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