woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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