my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
