It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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