he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
