i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
