i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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