I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
