I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
