1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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