He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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