she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
