yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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