You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Text me some of your sweat
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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