if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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