I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
