You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
