we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
