Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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