this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
