My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
