Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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