I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
