I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The ass gains better be worth it
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