I'm jealous of your bromance
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
