so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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