I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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