All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
