So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
