Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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