do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
