I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm always down for nudity.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
