Need sex. Gaining weight.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the day after is always just damage control
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
