I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
