Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
