Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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