wat bout pragnant strippers??
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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