i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
