i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
