My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
